(tyres screech)
(young woman) My parents were born into the good life.
Old money, blue-blooded society sweethearts.
- Do you want a boy or girl? - We'll be happy with either.
Having played host to kings and queens and other powers that be,
they were used to gracing the pages of society columns.
- I'm gonna be sick! - So they welcomed the attention
on what they supposed would be the happiest day of their lives.
But local legend had it that a curse was put on the Wilhern family,
when my great-great-great-grandfather Ralph
had a fling with Clara, a lowly servant girl.
When he told his family of his plans to marry Clara...
- (laughter) - ... he realised how silly he'd been.
Clara was, after all, just a servant girl.
So Ralph married someone more suitable,
and Clara... fell off a cliff.
(thud)
- (thunder) - That night, Clara's mother,
the town witch, came to the Wilhern house seeking revenge.
She wanted these blue bloods
to feel the pain of rejection her daughter felt,
and commanded that the next Wilhern daughter
be born with the face of a pig.
And only when one of your own kind claims this daughter as their own,
till death do they part, will the curse be broken!
With the threat of the curse hanging over their heads,
the next five Wilhern brides lived in terror
of being the first to give birth to a daughter.
But as luck would have it, they gave birth to all sons,
who had all sons, who had all sons, who had all sons.
Finally, born to Ella and Leonard Wilhern, a beautiful baby girl.
But what they didn't know then was that Ella
hadn't actually given birth to a Wilhern.
She had given birth to... a Jones.
Which means that the first-born Wilhern girl...
(screams)
- ... was me. - (baby cries)
(man) Penelope.
- (man) Dear, sweet Penelope. - (Penelope) Hm-hmm?
You see, like you, I've felt imprisoned most of my life.
(Penelope) Really? By what?
- Your good looks and good name? - Yes, exactly.
(Penelope) No one seems able to see past that.
(man) No one. And, Penelope,
curse or no curse, if I am more than my name and my face...
...well, then, surely you are more than yours.
- I knew it. He's the one. - He just might be.
Sweet Penelope... let me in.
Oh, Penelope, let me in.
No!
- (Penelope) Hello. - (gasps) What...?
Help me! Help me!
(yells) She's a pig!
She's a killer pig!
Help me! Somebody, help!
Why, Penelope? Why?
I'm not the one who ran, Mother.
Of course they run, dear, when you spring yourself at them like that!
Do you think I showed your father my mole on our third date? No, dear.
I had the good sense to wait until after we were married!
I didn't show him my mole, Mother. I showed him my face.
- (sobs) - (sighs)
- (sobs) - Mom.
Oh! Oh, sweetheart.
He really liked you.
- No, Mom, he really didn't. - No!
He didn't like your nose, that's what he didn't like. You're not your nose.
- But, it... it is my nose. - No!
It's your great-great-great-grandfather's nose
on your father's side. He did this to you, to us.
But you are not your nose! You are not you!
You're, you're somebody else inside just waiting to come out.
I had been reminded over the years
that I was not the only victim of the curse.
(sobs)
No one suffered more than my mother.
- These things happen all the time. - To who?
Did you know some children are born with gills?
- Ugh! - Gills, sweetheart, like on a fish.
Oh!
- So, can you cut it off? - Strangest thing.
But the carotid artery appears to run directly through the nose,
or snout, as the case may be,
making any attempt at removal unfeasible.
- But... - I'm sorry.
- The snout stays. - (sobs)
- Oh, that's not true! - My mother meant well.
She always meant well,
and always did what she thought best to protect me.
- First, from reporters. - What are you...?
Ow! Ow, my eye! Ow, ow!
But with the public demanding to see the face
that had caused so much trouble,
my mother did what any loving mother would do.
She faked my death.
(priest) Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
And had me cremated.
So, with the public left to mourn my tragic passing,
and with me safely hidden away from the outside world,
now she need only worry about protecting me from my father,
who was having trouble adjusting to the new morning menu.
Why can't I have bacon?
Because you love oatmeal. Doesn't Daddy love oatmeal? Yeah.
No, I love bacon.
And from the insensitivity of the new butler, Jake.
- This little piggy had roast beef. - Jake!
Oh, Jake. Stop it! Oh, the poor baby.
And occasionally she had to protect me even from myself.
So I did most of my playing in my room.
- Yes. - Where I made my own friends,
and learned to entertain myself.
Meanwhile, my mother spent her every waking hour
preparing me to be a suitable bride.
- (tape) "Quelle heure est il?" - Quelle heure est il?
And on my 18th birthday, she hired Wanda,
matchmaker to the rich and famous.
Now, to break the curse, they just had to find a high-society blue blood,
one of my own kind,
to accept me as I am, till death do we part.
Hello.
(groans)
And upon their departure, they were invited back to the house,
where they were legally gagged into secrecy.
I guess I looked even worse than I thought.
And it was just a matter of time
before my mother recognised the need for certain adjustments.
Shatterproof glass, and sneakers for Jake.
- (man screams) - So, you see, today...
- She's a pig! - ... was much like any other.
- Except... - I couldn't catch him.
Oh! I knew it!
(mother) We should make them sign the gag before they see her, not after!
- A snout? - Yeah.
- And fangs. You know? - (laughter)
Listen, I know what you're thinking.
The Wilherns! Nice family, right? That's what I thought.
When Penelope mentioned the curse, I thought it was a figure of speech.
It's not a figure of speech.
I'm telling you, if I hadn't got out of there when I did,
that monster would've eaten me alive.
- Put him in holding overnight. - What? Me? No, you don't understand!
- I've come in to report her! - (door slams)
Hey, wasn't that a Vanderman?
Yeah, Edward. The guy's crazy.
(Edward) Hello, anybody?
(Edward) Will somebody call my mother?
(whimpers)
(mother) Rise and shine!
Up, up, up, up, up.
We're moving!
Franklin!
- Mom! - Up, up, up, up, up.
- What? We're moving? - Uh-huh.
(elevator bell)
Where is Larry Bonsa? Hmm?
Security.
Poor Edward. I had no idea.
No, not that.
Hallucinations of a hideous pi... (whispers) Pig-faced girl.
- Huh? - You do know who they're talking about?
Oh, I don't know. Could be any number of women in this city.
I'm next in line for chairman of the board!
Do you have any idea what a story like this will do to me?
What my father is going to do to me?
Well, that's not really my problem, now.
OK. OK, I'm not a delusional maniac, yeah? Am I?
No. So, either you print a retraction
or, so help me God, I am going to rip your guts out, one gut at a time!
Lt'll be 25 years ago all over again.
Reporters popping out of drawers. Penelope will be exposed!
And then... And then what chance do we have?
- We could move to the beach. - (Franklin) The beach is good.
- Or France? - You could practise your French.
- I could practise my French. - Hm-hmm.
- Merci. - (plates smash)
- Bonjour. Je m'appelle Penelope. - (screaming)
Never mind. I overreacted.
Wanda. Wanda!
(Edward) I demand a retraction!
You have ruined my life!
I'm telling you, she was a pig. A pig!
I'm telling you, she had a piggy snout on her face and I'm not mad!
Why will no one believe me?
Wait, wait, wait! Hold on there, Victor.
I believe that man is with me.
Huh? I am?
(Wanda) Jessica, this isn't the cream of the crop.
- (Jessica) I don't care. - First, there's Beaux...
- Great. - Jack...
- Fine. - The Ripper?
Super, who else?
Why don't I just say, "Here's 12 men. Trust me."?
Terrific. Let's talk about the dowry. Double it.
If they can't stand me now, why would they for double?
- Oh, now, with that attitude... - Oh, yeah, it's my attitude, Mother.
(Jessica) What do you think of this guy?
(Wanda) I think this guy's got a lot of potential.
I know he's going to look at her. What do you think of this guy?
Oh, sweetheart.
I know, I know.
It's not my face, it's my great-great-great-grandfather's face,
and he's not me and I'm not him and I'm not me.
And don't you forget it.
I gave my right eye for that story.
And I got back squat. That hideous woman still gives me nightmares.
I thought you never saw her.
No, not Penelope. Her mother. I only caught a glimpse of the baby.
I thought my head was playing tricks on me.
Well, thank God someone believes me, anyway.
Unfortunately, my believing you won't to do either one of us any good.
We're gonna need some proof to clear both our names.
Do you think you can get back in there?
Oh, I don't... I don't know.
- I mean, the... - (roars)
(gasps)
- No. - Are you sure?
- I just need one photo. - I'm not going back in there.
Alright. OK.
We'll just have to find somebody who can,
hook them up with the agency that sent you.
No, they only see old money, blue bloods. It's part of the curse.
I don't think we'll find any blue bloods to help us.
- They don't need the money. - But down-and-out blue bloods do.
# On my mind, on my mind, on my mind, on my mind
# There's a thing that I can't explain
Check.
Bet.
- Read 'em and weep, losers. - Ah, crap!
You got a Maxwell Campion playing here tonight?
That's him there. Poker table number five.
# Talking of life
# I'm not too keen
Hey, pal, wait up.
- Do I know you? - No, but I know you.
Did a little research. And it seems, in a few short years,
you've gambled away the fortune your family spent generations building.
- (laughs) - Hey, hear me out.
- I'll make it worth your while. - You got the wrong guy.
5,000 bucks worth your while?
Wow, this guy is wasting my time.
- Oh, he's here. - Hey, man, look, I'm sorry...
- Let's go. Take off the jacket. - What?
We'll need your signature on the last page. Just your standard gag.
You don't talk, we don't talk.
Just how ugly is this girl?
I believe the young lady is waiting.
The camera is in the lapel, the rigging is in the sleeve. Put it on.
To take her picture, you raise either arm.
- (camera clicks) - Not now.
- (laughs) Alright. I'm sorry, man. - Yeah, I know you are.
- Did you have to gamble all night? - Yeah, I still had chips.
- I'm good? - Yeah. Come on, let's go.
- Oh, I... - I'll get that.
And you are?
I'm Max Campion and the agency sent me.
Oh, right. Campion...
(chatter)
(door slams)
(room falls silent)
(chatter resumes)
(camera clicks)
Alright, we've done as you asked. They're in the annex.
But why you wouldn't rather talk to them one at a time is beyond me.
This way it will be easier to weed out the unlikelies.
Yeah.
Hello, I'm Penelope. And you must be...
(screaming)
...late for tea?
They're out, they're running. They've all seen her.
- Where's Max? - I don't see Max. He's not there.
(Edward) There's no Max.
- How could you? - Just speeding things up.
- Now you'll make a pig of yourself? - No, that's been done for me.
- Stop it! - That was the last of the Ho Hos!
Where's your credit card? I'm going to the store.
No, no, don't you... Hey!
If you want more Ho Hos, I'll send Jake for some!
- I'm old enough to get my own! - Pick me up some chocolates.
- Penelope, just one man, one man. - He'll run, too.
They always run. Why can't you accept that?
For seven years, I've been watching them run.
Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?
- Do you? - I'm sorry, but we just can't quit.
We can, because no matter how much I wanna believe
there's one man who won't run away,
one man who... who...
Sweet loving angel of all things merciful!
(Penelope) Did he see?
(Jessica) He must have. He was there.
- Who is he? - Who cares? Just go!
- Yes, go! - No, I...
(both) Go!
- (camera clicks) - Damn it!
- You're still here? - Whoa. Er, yeah.
- Did you see? - See?
- You didn't see? - I didn't?
- Did you? - Did I what?
- Don't mess with me. - I'm messing with you?
- Why are you still here? - Look, I'm sorry. Should I go?
(both) No.
Are you a fan of George Rockham?
- Who? - The book you've got in your jacket.
You caught that, huh? Well, yeah.
Yeah, it's a great book.
- So you've read it? - Well, yeah.
Funny, I thought that was the only surviving copy.
Well... You know what? I, er...
I meant to read it, but the library was always out.
And, er...
I saw it was a first edition and figured it might be worth something.
So you were stealing it.
Well... (laughs) Yeah.
- I was stealing it. - So, you're a fan of the money?
I'm a big fan of the money. Although, it doesn't much care for me.
Maybe you and the money weren't meant to be.
(laughs) Hey, I wouldn't go that far. Jinx me.
There are 326 first editions in that room.
Of those, 300 are worth over 50,000,
a dozen or so are worth over 25,000,
and I'm afraid there's only one valued under a hundred.
- Only one, huh? - A little novel
written by a little nobody that never amounted to anything.
- You don't say. Under a hundred? - I'm afraid so.
- And I'm afraid that means it's... - It's your favourite, just the same.
- What? - I said, your favourite, just the same.
I heard you.
Top shelf, third from the left, Moby Dick. It's a first edition.
But wait till I'm gone or they'll see you.
See me?
What?
Hello?
(door slams)
Gotcha!
(laughs)
No?
Penelope?
- Will you be back tomorrow? - I knew it. I knew you were there.
Yeah.
- He'll be back. - He will.
- Hi. - So?
- I didn't get it. - How could you not get it?
- Half the men in this city... - Relax. I'm coming back tomorrow.
Ow! Door.
- You better. - See you tomorrow.
Sweetheart? What's wrong?
I thought he just knew, but it says it right here.
(Franklin) Still, of the 2,000 books that aren't your favourite,
he chose the one that is.
# The crisp sheet bedding pulled down to the floor
# My raised, tired brows have witnessed its lore
# And I won't have much to say
# If I don't return
# Easy risers don't give in to pleas
# They don't take mess from the sleepy streets
# And the abacus says
# Keep on counting
(grunts)
(whistles)
- (whistles) - (Penelope) Do you play?
Whoa!
- I wish you'd stop doing that. - Do you play?
The frog? No, no, although I always meant to pick it up.
But you do play something.
- What makes you say that? - What do you play?
Guess.
- Is this really necessary? - She's finding his instrument.
Isn't that something a man should do for himself?
And a one, and a two, and a one! # You are my sunshine
- # My only sunshine - (plays out of tune)
- # You make me happy - (laughs)
# When skies are grey
- It's not the bass. - # You'll never know, dear
# How much I love you
# So, please don't take
- # My sunshine away - (clattering)
- (Penelope) Definitely not the drums. - What?
(saxophone honks)
(Penelope groans)
- # You are my sunshine - (plays out of tune)
# My only sunshine
# You make me happy
- # When skies are grey - Terrible!
# You'll never know, dear
- # How much I love you - Are you even playing that?
# Don't take my sunshine away
OK, stop! Stop!
Yeah! You guys, thank you so much for everything.
Wait, no! I'm not done guessing!
Come on, enough about me.
What do you play?
You wanna be a hortomacultural what?
A horticulturalist. You know, someone who works with plants.
- Right. (laughs) - Why is that funny?
No, plants are great. I just thought of you as, like, a cop.
You've got the whole interrogation thing down.
Shut up. It's your move.
(chuckles) Alright. Erm...
- Oh, you really don't wanna do that. - (sighs) Why not?
- I'll kill her. - What if I asked you not to?
I'd still kill her. You'd sort of be begging me to.
So, beer. You've never had a beer?
- I've had a beer. - On tap?
- No, not on tap. - Then you've never had a beer.
- Your knight can't do that. - My knight?
- The horse. - Alright.
Hey, how about you and me
heading down to the Cloverdilly pub right now?
- The Cloverdilly pub? - Yeah. Best beer, best blues,
- some of the best beer bums in town. - Thanks. Maybe later.
(whispers) Penelope, come on.
- Hey? - (bangs glass)
Come on, you've gotta get out of there sometime.
Right?
What are you waiting for?
Aah.
You know, truth is... you're not missing much.
Really? The Cloverdilly pub sounds fun.
Yeah, but aside from that.
And the street fairs? I hear they sell cool stuff on the street.
You know, the vendors themselves are pretty cool, too.
- Oh, and the park? - The park is great.
I used to spend every weekend there,
just hanging on a bench writing stupid love songs,
- people watching. - Used to? You don't do that any more?
- No. - What are you doing instead?
Well... beating you at chess.
- I warned you I'd kill her. - That's great.
When my guys see what you've done...
- It'll be over. Your queen'll be dead. - My king's still pretty active.
Once the queen's dead, the king's useless.
- What's that about? - I don't know.
Maybe he's too depressed to fight. He really loved her, you know?
Yeah, I can see that.
- My queen to yours, checkmate. - You got me.
(investigator) What is this guy doing?
Wasting all my film.
He's doing it on purpose. He's going for the dowry.
(investigator) I wish I could find a girl with a dowry.
- Give me a break. - Why else would it take you so long?
She revealed herself to me straight away.
You know what? I guess she liked you more.
Why settle for 5,000 when you could get ten times that?
Well, maybe you're forgetting, I've seen her. She is grotesque.
- Shut him up. - I'm talking unkissable ugly.
- Nightmare ugly. Puke... - Listen to me, you little worm.
I know your kind. Spoilt-rotten momma's boy with nothing...
God! He licked me.
- Edward. - What?
- Don't lick Max. - Sorry.
You can't blame us for being suspicious.
Fine, find someone else.
(Edward) Fine, give us back the money.
- It's starting! It's starting! - Wait, wait, wait.
(Penelope) OK, I've got it. Piano.
You play the piano. I bet my life on it.
Alright, keep in mind, never bet a better.
Does he have another jacket?
And a one and a two and a one.
- # You are my sunshine - (plays wrong chord)
- # My only sunshine - (plays wrong chord)
- # You make me happy - (plays wrong chord)
- # When skies are grey - (Penelope) No, it's B-flat.
(laughs) # You are my sunshine
- (Penelope) B-flat on the right hand. - # My only sunshine
(Penelope) No, right hand!
- # You are my sunshine - (plays wrong chord)
What? # My only sunshine
# You make me... You're my...
(Penelope) The left hand stays, and the right hand plays the chord.
- # You are my... - (plays correct chord)
- You see? - Yeah, yeah. It's better. Whoa!
(glass smashes)
- (camera clicks) - Shh...
- I'm a monster. - No, no, you're not. Penelope!
No!
Penelope! Stay with Max.
- Darling, do not, please, do not... - I told you! I told you!
- No, you ran! It was you this time. - He just stood there,
staring at me. No one's ever just stood there before.
Did you give the poor boy a chance to adjust?
I mean, put yourself in...
What are you doing? I told you to stay with him!
(Wanda) I didn't hear you. I didn't hear you.
- Did you get it? - Yeah. Yeah, I got it.
Whoa! Hey, I needed that photo!
She's not what Edward said she was. Leave her alone.
Lemon?
- (gasps) - (Wanda) Who is that?
- Lock the gate! - No, don't shut the gate!
(both scream)
(Wanda) I got him!
- Penelope? - Max?
There's something I have to tell you.
- No, he's a spy! - No, yes, but...
He's a spy working for Lemon! The reporter who forced me to bury you.
- You said I was cremated. - That, too.
I hope you were well paid. You just lost a fortune!
(Wanda) Wait! He's still a blue blood. He could break the curse!
Max, I know that this face repulses you
and I wouldn't dream of asking you to accept it.
- No, no, Penelope. - But this isn't me.
The real me is inside here somewhere just waiting to get out.
And you can make that happen.
Once the curse is broken, I'll be just like anybody else.
What if the curse isn't broken? What if... the curse can never be broken?
Then I'll kill myself. I promise. I promise I will.
Marry me, Max.
Marry me!
I can't.
Get out.
- I'm... - (Jessica) Get out! Get out!
Right out!
(Penelope) I felt the rush of a thousand heartbreaks.
But it took my mother just ten seconds to...
OK, this is what we're gonna do.
- (Wanda) What? You really... - (Jessica) Just hear me out.
Penelope? Penelope! This is nothing we haven't been through before!
Penelope? I will never give up, sweetheart.
Never, Penelope!
(Penelope) And I knew, with all my heart, she meant it.
(Jessica) Never!
(plays chord)
(plays melancholy tune)
OK, that's it for me, folks. New dealer coming in.
(Franklin) We've prepared her for the day things would be different.
We've never prepared her for the day that they're not.
Maybe we should stop all this match-making and... give her a puppy.
- (creaking) - Sweetheart? Penelope, is that you?
Yes, Mother. I'm just going to make some cocoa.
OK.
A puppy?
- What can I say? - Don't.
I'm sorry you got stuck with me. I'm sorry I dragged you down with me!
I know I'm the bad blood! You don't think I know that?
I'm the Wilhern! The curse is on me! I am the curse!
It's me, me! I am the curse! It's me, me, me!
Honey. Honey! I think your father could use some cocoa, too!
OK, Mother.
Actually, I might have a cup, too.
Penelope?
(yells) Penelope!
Wow!
- (Edward) She's escaped. - Let's go!
- She's gonna come after me! - Edward, get control of yourself!
Quick!
(hubbub)
- What are you doing? - We need help.
I'd like to report my daughter missing.
- Are you mad? What if they find her? - For crying out loud!
(chatter)
(jaunty tune)
(bicycle bell rings)
(children laugh)
OK. I can't hold it any longer. Come with me.
I have to pee. I can't leave you with the phones.
(phone rings)
- Hello? - Mom?
- (operator) Hold the line, please. - Mom?
- Collect call... - We'll accept.
- Go ahead with your call, please. - Hello?
What the hell were you thinking? Did anyone see you yet?
- No, Mom. - Good, good. Where are you?
- We'll come and get you. - I'm just calling to say
that I love you, and... goodbye.
Penelope, don't...
At least we know she's alright.
- (woman) Thank you. - (man) Good evening, madam.
Hi. Erm... can I have a room, please?
Shouldn't be a problem. Room eight is available.
- Thank you. - You don't want the room?
No, I, I want the room.
Then would you mind coming back here so I can check you in?
Oh.
Thank you. And how will you be paying for your room?
Thank you, Jessica.
- (Edward) Nostrils are bigger. - (Lemon) We've got to wrap this up.
We've gotta go to print.
More piggy, really. Erm, and a...
Thank you, ma'am. Gentlemen.
How's everybody doing this fine day?
- I thought you went home. - I did.
Slept for eight blissful hours, fixed the kids' breakfast,
kissed the wife goodbye,
and, according to the button, it's your blind.
Are you in or out?
(dealer) He's still got chips. He's in.
(man) Give him some time. He's still got chips. He'll come around.
(voices echo)
(player) I'll take another. Make it a large one.
(dealer) He's still got chips. He's in.
(pants)
- Your morning paper, madam. - Oh, thanks, Jake.
Holy Magda!
(thud)
- Damn it, Edward! - Dad, they all think I'm crazy.
And this helps you? How?
You told me to... I thought this would prove...
Try to remember I'm your son.
That's exactly what I'm trying to forget!
For starters, I'm going to need a recent photograph.
- No photographs. - None whatsoever?
No. The, er, fire got them.
OK, er, a detailed description?
- Brown hair. - Hm-hmm.
- Brown eyes. - Hm-hmm.
A unique... ly pleasant personality.
Think pig.
- So she's a fat girl? - Does any of this matter?
Just go find her!
Our daughter's out there somewhere, lost and afraid...
(muffled scream)
(detective) I've got nothing to go on.
No photographs, no friends,
- no job, no hangouts. - Something like this.
- But minus the fangs. - Franklin!
Do you want to find her or not?
Minus the fangs. They're certainly eye-grabbing.
(Jessica) You know what? Never mind. How much do we owe you?
Where's my...? Who took my wallet?
(Franklin) It's our daughter. Please help us.
Please, I'm begging you.
What he's trying to say is, give us the key now!
(receptionist) I'm sorry.
The room is registered in my name with my card.
Who's the guest? Me. That makes me the guest.
(pants)
Well, at least we know she's not starving.
No, not just... not just any pig.
OK. OK, yeah. You need to stop talking now.
(phone rings)
Hello?
Yeah, that's right.
- Penelope? - Who is this?
That was Penelope on the... on the...
- Sell her own picture? - Hmm.
Er, then why did you hang up?
Edward, what's wrong with you? Did you ever...?
- (phone rings) - Oh, God.
- Penelope. - How did you know it was me?
Just a lucky guess. You have something you want to sell us?
- That's right. - May I ask why you are doing this?
What do you care? You're getting your freak.
Hey, nobody said anything about a freak.
- Listen, do you want it or not? - Yes. Yes, I do.
Thank you. Er, OK.
OK. OK.
OK. OK. OK.
(gasps)
- Look, Grandma, a pig! - How nice.
Oh!
Fangs?
There are no fangs.
Huh.
Well, she must just suck them back into her skull or someth...
Edward, you know, I've been thinking.
I know and you know. Maybe that's enough.
Lemon, half the people in this city think I'm crazy.
I've got to prove to them that I'm not.
I'm sorry. I've got to do it.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the pig-faced girl!
(whimpers)
You weren't kidding!
- Can I get you something? - Can I have a beer on tap, please?
Sure. You can have this one.
- You're supposed to catch it. - Oh, sorry.
Are you ready now?
- There you go. - Thank you.
- Is there a problem? - Do you have any straws?
Sure.
There you go.
That's half. You'll get the rest when I'm ready.
- Let's just call it even. - No, let's not!
- She's not some freaking payday. - She sold me the photo herself.
Yeah. Apparently, she's out there on her own, declaring her independence.
(elevator bell)
- (laughter) - (woman) Hey, Jack. Lucky you.
- Last delivery of the day. - How are you doing?
You wanna know or are you just asking?
I'm just asking.
So, I'm driving my Vespa, and this guy comes out of nowhere and hits me.
I go flying, I'm in the street and he goes, "Sorry, I didn't see you."
How can he not see me? I'm on a Vespa with wings.
I mean, right, you can see me. You can see me, right?
- Hmm. - (woman) What?
- Yes. - See? She can see me.
- You gotta stick Billy on him. - It's a little too late.
You've got to sign here. Billy moved back to the 'burbs.
- Yeah? Sorry to hear it. - Yeah.
(woman) We didn't belong together. He was a picket-fence kinda guy.
What guy looks at me and thinks picket fence?
Unless he's crazy, and I'm done dating crazy, you know? Done.
- Unless it's meant to be. Right? - Yeah.
- Right? - Right.
I can't hear you with that thing on your face.
Hm-hmm.
- The usual. On the house. - Thanks, Jack.
- You're the best. - Cheers.
Are you hiding from the law or is that a bad nose job?
Hm-hmm. Bad nose job.
Do you mind me asking how much that might cost somebody, a nose job?
- Oh, nothing. - Free?
- Hm-hmm. - Huh.
I was just thinking about getting a little work done myself.
A nose job?
Yeah, kind of, but for my ears, you know?
They stick out a little on the top. I'm no Penelope, but...
You have beautiful ears. Beautiful.
- They're beautiful! - Are you drunk?
- I'm drunk! - Oh.
Jack, how about another round for my pal, Scarfy, here?
(Jack) Coming up.
What's a Vespa?
What's a Ve...? You've never ridden on a Vespa?
- Hey, Sam, long time no see. - Wow, look who's back.
Look, er, have you seen the guys around?
They're touring, opening for some band who's supposed to be good.
- No kidding? That's great. - What brings you back here?
Oh, you know, looking around.
Actually, I thought it was maybe time I started playing again.
- Yeah? Well, good luck with that. - Yeah.
Sam, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't...
You are joking, ain't you? After all your no-shows? I only look stupid.
Look, I messed up. I know, and I'm sorry.
I didn't appreciate a good thing when I had it.
- Oh, and now you do? - Now I do.
(plays piano)
- Still got your scarf on? - Yeah.
Alright, hop on.
# And here comes the night pulling puppet strings
# On my heart again
# Shows me all of this time I've been blind
- # To this waking life - No, no, no.
# Now I see it everywhere - Alright, I gotta go down there.
# Cos I'm not lost
# Just looking for footprints, yeah
# And I'm taking it
# One day at a time
# And I'm getting by and by the way
(plays piano)
# You're still on my mind
- (plays piano) - Oi! Mozart!
Yeah. Listen, I'm sorry. It won't happen again.
Don't muck about.
- Another postcard. - I don't care. What's it say?
- "Went ice skating." - Stop. I don't care.
- Circus. - It's been weeks.
Zoo.
How could she do all these things without being seen?
- She can't! That's how! - She can't be far.
We just have to keep looking.
My brother once was just riding his bicycle,
and he hit this parked car, and he was...
Look, Helleborus orientalis.
They're amazing. They bloom even in the winter.
Oh, that's cool.
They just pop up without any help from anyone.
Ha! Sounds like my ex-boyfriend, if you know what I mean.
Oh, yeah.
- You know what I mean, right? - Yeah.
Really?
You don't get out much, do you?
We should talk.
- That's her scarf! Look! - Penelope!
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
No, she went that...!
(pants)
Oh, great. You're here. It's your turn to buy.
Alright, I lied. I'll buy.
- Oh, my God! - (anxious chatter)
Get the scarf off her. She can't breathe.
No! No!
Hey.
Penelope!
(excited chatter)
(Penelope) They're not running.
- There she is! - Penelope, this way! This way!
(excited chatter)
Is it true you were chained up in the basement?
Don't encourage them.
- Do you have other pig parts? - No!
With your large nose, do you smell better than the rest of us?
I don't know. You tell me.
- Penelope! - Annie!
- Mom, can I borrow some money? - Absolutely not! Get in that car.
After three weeks, I was like... I knew something was up.
Nose jobs only take so long.
Mom, they wanna know if you chained me up in the basement.
(laughs)
Go on the bike.
No, of course not.
- Bye, darling. - Bye.
Is there anything you'd like to say to the public?
Er... hi.
(all shout) Mr Vanderman!
Did you attempt to file assault charges against Penelope?
- I've obtained the police report. - No comment, please, no comment.
I can handle it, Dad. That woman, that thing, belongs in a cage.
- (woman) What a creep! - Excuse me.
(reporters shout)
- Have you lost your mind? - You saw her.
- She's a complete monster. - The public loves this girl.
- They don't know her. - We're a publicly traded company.
We love what the public loves. Get it?
- So, what are you saying? - I'm saying you've got to fix this!
- (Edward) What do you expect me... - (Vanderman) Just fix it!
- (man) Penelope, you're on my team! - (Penelope) OK. I'm not very good.
Penelope! Penelope! Penelope!
Come on, bull's-eye!
(cheering)
- Come on, come on. - (glass smashes)
(cheering)
I told you I wasn't very good.
- Hi. - Hi.
Wow! You really did it, huh?
I mean, er... I mean, er...
You look great, you know? Really happy.
Thanks.
Yeah.
You know, you inspired me.
Doing what you did, going off on your own like that. I, er, I'm not...
- I have to go. - Yeah, sure. I, er...
I just...
(reporters) Penelope. Penelope. Penelope!
Darling, I'm so glad I found you! You must come home right now!
I have the most wonderful surprise.
- (Penelope) OK, but I should get back. - Penelope.
What is this?
Listen, I'm... sorry I ran... from my feelings.
Oh, is that what you were running from?
I was certain you were running from me.
- Only my feelings for you. - (Penelope) Is this a joke?
Penelope, don't make the boy beg.
Look at that face. He can break the curse.
(Penelope) Things are different now.
She's overwhelmed.
Why? Because you're all over the newspapers?
No, because I have friends.
Those aren't friends, dear. Those are fans.
"Did you hear? The pig speaks ten languages. The pig plays the piano."
You're just a talking pig to those people.
A talking pig.
Edward wants to marry you.
Are you prepared to walk away from your one and only chance,
our one and only chance, of a normal life?
Will you marry me... Penelope?
- (tap at door) - (Larry) Hey, Lemon.
Yeah?
I thought you might be able to help me with this Max Campion story I'm doing.
Well, what's the story?
I'm doing this kind of riches-to-rags-to-armed-robbery story.
Armed robbery? Come on, Max Campion?
Yeah. I just got the call. He's already confessed.
What?
Pick it up.
- You're the lawyer my mother sent? - There's been a mistake.
- I'm here to see Max Campion. - I'm Max Campion.
- No, you're not. - Yes, I am.
- No, Max Campion. - I am not deaf. I can hear you.
I am Max Campion.
But you're...
(Lemon) You got a Maxwell Campion playing here tonight?
- (man) That's him. Table number five. - You got the wrong guy.
- Oh, oh, oh. - Ah?
- (laughs) - OK. OK.
OK, OK, no. No. What about the guy you play poker with?
Er... Shaggy hair, er, medium build. Doesn't know when to quit.
Ah! Er, Johnny Martin.
- Johnny Martin? - Johnny Martin. Poor loser.
Get that down, Martin, in the pirate pad there.
Oh, that was so wonderful, just wonderful. Was it not wonderful?
- Yes. - Yes, it was wonderful.
We have to do this again, and you know what?
Now we're nearly family, this is just the beginning.
- I'll fetch the limo. - Good, good, good.
Can I have my coat, please?
We used to go to the theatre all the time. Why did we stop?
I guess because we had an ugly daughter.
- Let me help you with that, sir. - Thank you.
- It's just over there. - OK, we're going.
- (Penelope) But my coat! - We'll get you another one.
Edward, what are you doing? Where are we going?
- Hi. - Max.
- Hello, Penelope. - We were just leaving.
- Hey, how are things, Edward? - Keep walking.
I understand it got a bit grotesque there for a while. Even puke ugly.
- You two know each other? - Yes, we do.
- Yale, wasn't it? - No, I believe it was at Bedford.
- A Bedford van to be... - Stop! Haven't you hurt her enough?
- Bathroom. Now. - Edward, I...
- Penelope, let Edward handle this. - But, Mother...
- You make me sick! - Why?
I'm giving her exactly what she wants. Aren't I?
And I don't see anybody else lining up to do that.
- Unless you are. Are you lining up? - That's not the point.
- Yes, it is the point!
Look, if you want to go out there and tell her
that the only man willing to stand up and say "I do"
still gags at the thought of kissing her, then be my guest.
But it's not me you'll be hurting.
It's her, isn't it?
Johnny Martin.
- (laughs) - Son of a plumber, huh?
It sure took you long enough.
(Lemon) Boy, you fooled me.
So, it looks like you were doing her a favour after all.
- You seen this? - Hmm. Cute couple.
Yeah. Penelope and the beast.
They're both getting what they want, right?
I know what he's getting. What's she getting?
She's getting the day she's waited for all her life,
- breaking the curse. - (laughs)
Oh, you don't actually believe that, do you?
- Don't you? - No.
No? What have you been chasing all these years?
I don't know. A wounded ego and a missing eye, I guess.
- Hmm. - It's not too late to stop Edward.
That's what she wants.
Wait. If getting married is all it takes to break the, ooh, the curse,
why not you?
- You're forgetting, I'm not Max. - So?
One of their own kind. I'm not a blue blood.
Hey! Over here! I saved you a seat! It's clean.
Hey, Annie, look at you!
- Weddings are great. - Yeah. When they're somebody else's.
Yeah.
And Edward seems really nice, you know?
Mum, I think I'm going to throw up.
Just remember, in a few minutes from now, the curse will be broken.
There is no curse! The only one cursed here is me.
- Jessica, I need a word. - What's the matter?
- For starters... - Losing your eye was your own fault.
- Now what? - I just wanted to apologise.
Apology not accepted.
What? I have a wedding to go to!
Meet Johnny Martin.
- I told you not to rush the process. - This doesn't change a thing.
How can you say that? Not only was Edward part of it...
As you once said, he's still one of her own kind.
OK, fine. What about Max or Johnny or whatever his name is?
- What about him? - Isn't Penelope entitled to know?
- That he lied about everything? - That he can't break the curse!
Why on earth would she need to know that?
Don't you see? Maybe that's the only reason he said no!
I don't know that. You don't know that.
But if that's true, God bless him, he did the right thing!
- Damn it, Jessica, I can't let you... - Leave it alone.
I think I'm nervous. Not that I'm not happy for her.
I'm happy for her. You're happy for her, right?
If she's happy, I'm happy, yeah.
- Mom, I feel stupid. - Oh, you don't look stupid.
You look...
You don't look stupid.
Do you, Edward Vanderman,
take Penelope Wilhern to be your lawfully wedded wife,
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish
from this day forward until death do you part?
I do.
And do you, Penelope Wilhern,
take Edward Humphrey Vanderman III
to be your lawfully wedded husband,
to have and to hold,
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish from this day forward
until death do you part?
Penelope?
No.
No!
Nobody move! She's fine! Penelope, wait.
- Look at me. - I am. What is it, dear?
- No, look at me! - I am! What? I don't understand!
I'm sorry.
Penelope, it's not too late.
- Go away, Mother! - Think about what you're doing.
This is the moment we have worked so hard for.
I said go away!
Sweetheart, please!
Please! We are one yes away from a whole new life!
- A whole new you! - But I don't want a whole new me!
Sweetheart, please! Please!
I like myself the way I am.
(gasps)
Penelope?
Mom?
(typewriters click)
(Penelope) The curse was so simple.
Me. One of my own kind.
I'd had the power all along.
It's not going to grow back.
- What makes you think I... - I miss it, too.
And then I remember you're still you.
(sighs) Penelope.
One of your own kind. I just assumed...
- No, we all did, Mother. - No, dear.
No. Don't you see? I could've broken the curse years ago
if I'd just done my job as your mother, and loved you as my own.
- You didn't know. You didn't know. - (sobs)
Dad.
Oh.
Oh, look. (laughs)
You know, darling, with the carotid artery out of the way,
I think a little turn-up right there would be sweet, wouldn't it?
Look at that. What?
You're crazy.
Oh, it's wrong for a young woman to wanna look her best?
That's not a bad thing.
What? I'm being her mother! That's what mothers do with daughters!
They talk about how to look prettier!
Still, I felt sad for my mother that day.
Oh, now I'm the bad guy!
Having to cope with so many changes all at once.
I was packing to go, and after 25 years with the family...
Jake, where are you going? Jake, I'm talking to you. Jake?
And why do you have that bag? Jake? Don't be rude!
Turn around when I'm talking to you! I happen to be...
(silence)
Turns out Jake had a secret of his own.
(Franklin) What happened?
And figured we all might be better off if my mother kept quiet for a while.
There, there, now. There, there.
(thunder)
But I had my own changes to cope with.
While I missed the face that had caused so much trouble...
... the world had moved on.
And I was determined to find my own way,
- to always follow my heart. - (boy) My daffodil bloomed!
(girl) I found Helleborus orientalis!
And then came Halloween.
Line up by the front door as quick as possible.
- (children argue) - Hey! No fighting.
- (girl) Let go! It's my mask! - (Penelope) Girls, please.
But she knew I was gonna be Penelope.
Alright, girls, you're gonna have to go out with the rest of the class.
Go line up. Come on. Line up. Get ready to go. Come on.
Alice? Honey, what's wrong?
Everybody's Penelope, and I'm a stupid static cling!
Oh. Well, frankly, I find you quite refreshing.
Come on, sweetie. Stick with me and we'll both make it through this.
(all) Trick or treat?
Well, hello there.
- (girl) I love this one! - (Franklin) Jess!
- You're gonna wanna see this. - (girl) Is this too much?
And then Wanda couldn't hold on to the secret any longer.
(rock music)
Wow! You're everywhere. Are you freaking out or what?
- OK, 357. - There it is.
- Hold on. - (laughs)
- What? - (laughs)
It's just kinda great to see the old you.
- OK. Alright, let's go. - Here we go.
You can do this. Are you ready?
(Annie knocks on door)
Hi. Erm... I...
She's gotta pee. You got a bathroom? I'm gonna get some punch.
No!
Er, yeah. Yeah, sure. I guess it's OK. Come on in.
(Penelope) It looks like a good party.
- Why aren't you at the party? - I gotta pack.
So, are you moving?
Er, out-of-town job. I felt like getting out of the city for a while.
(Penelope) Away from the crowds?
(laughs) Yeah, the crowds at the poker tables.
Oh, so you're a gambler?
Ex. Avoiding temptation.
Well, that's good.
Good for you.
I, er, I had a friend once who liked to gamble.
Well, I heard he liked to gamble,
and he had to stay away from all kinds of things...
Take off the mask.
What?
I'm sorry.
All Halloween, I've been running into, well, someone I used to know.
I'm sorry. Ridiculous.
This someone... she meant a lot to you?
Yes.
Yes, she did.
What happened?
I couldn't give her what she wanted.
What did she want?
To be free.
You lied to me! I guessed piano, and you said that...
- Penelope, I'm sorry. - I know.
No. I don't have the power to break the curse.
It's OK. It turns out I did.
It's me, Max.
My name's Johnny.
I know. Johnny.
I'm still me.
So, there we were.
And we lived happily ever after.
Well, happily ever after so far, at least.
I don't get it. What does it mean?
Well, what do you think it means?
(boy) Rich people stink!
- It's always the mother's fault. - (laughs)
It's not the power of the curse, it's the power you give the curse.
That's very good, Billy.
OK, after break, we'll go explore, and see what you can collect.
Stay together!
(Johnny) Jump on.
- Ready? - Not too high.
(Johnny) Higher? Yeah!
("Hoppipolla" by Sigur Rós)
# Alone
# In your mind
# Waiting for the sun to shine
# Alone
# In your mind
# Waiting for the sign
# That it's time
# To break free from the words that hold you down
# To escape from the feeling
# You are lost and can't be found
# Don't hide your face
# You cannot erase
# The pain that stays in your eyes
# Lay down your guard
# Show them who you are
# Behind your disguise
# You run
# Far from home
# You think you'll make it on your own
# You run
# Fast then slow
# But never seem to know
# Where you're going
# To break free from the words that hold you down
# To escape from the feeling
# You are lost and can't be found
# Lost and can't be found
# Don't hide your face
# You cannot erase
# The pain that stays in your eyes
# Lay down your guard
# And show them who you are
# Behind your disguise
# Your disguise
# Don't hide your face
# You cannot erase
# The pain that stays in your eyes
# Lay down your guard
# Show them who you are
# Behind your disguise
# Your disguise
Subtitles by IMS